Two days ago.. It was the first time after Jiamin's trip that I saw her.. We had supper together with Alys at Changi V.. Sometimes I think Jiamin is rite.. The more ppl the more fun.. I was thinking whether if Alys not around.. Will Jiamin and me still able to communicate with one another? So much things happened btwn us and it's making both of us feeling weird and embarrassed when we saw each other..

And yest I was reali glad.. Cuz I think Jiamin kinda improved abit.. I mean improvement denotes that things might be getting better.. She did becum the old Jiamin I know before.. She smilez.. She tok.. And the most impt thing is she showed her cute expression.. That expression of like being bullied.. Those kiddy expression I mean.. When I saw that.. I smilez.. I'm reali happy deep within my heart.. Juz that I din said it out.. And to be frank.. I think it was Jiamin's kiddy disappointment expression that made me wanna dote on her more than anyone else.. Heee.. It's reali cute mah..

Sometimes I think when Jiamin said "Need to be so fierce is it?" I was like thinking.. Am I reali veri fierce to her.. I'm reali not sure abt that.. I think she's reali veri particular of how I treat her.. Sorri Jiamin.. I promised that I wun be fierce to u anymore.. I know no matter how much apology is being done.. The damages alreadi been done.. The crack in her heart is there.. Haix.. I juz hope I still can make it up to her now.. Hopefully it's not too late..

I saw Jiamin's nick.. Learn to lurve urself cuz no one else will.. It somehow hit me.. It juz somehow came to my mind that I reali reali hurt Jiamin.. Jiajue disappoints her.. And now me too.. I reali need to slap myself hard to wake myself up again.. Somehow I feel that my lurve and care for her is always going to be restricted no matter how hard I tried.. Cuz by name I'm juz a frenz.. I can't step further than that.. It will cross the line.. Jiajue will probably hates me to core.. Haix.. I juz wan to take care of Jiamin when Jiajue is busy.. That's all I ask for now.. At least can keep her company juz for that moment.. At least she wun feel she's alone again.. At least she know that there are still ppl that do care for her..

U know.. Whenever Jiajue called.. I feel veri jealous and down.. I duno why also.. Haix.. I hate myself becuming like that loh.. They are the legal couples in front of everyone loh.. I should juz stop my jealousy loh.. I have no rite to get jealous at all.. Men do get jealous too.. Not only women.. Juz that they dun say out.. I wan to say.. But no one to say to.. Cuz I will probably get scold by ppl again.. Alys will shout at me as usual.. Jiajue called Jiamin yest abt Alys' wedding stuff.. The first instinct that came to my mind is that the call is from Jiajue.. And I'm rite.. My mood gets heavy somehow.. I dun wan to ask Jiamin who is it cuz the way she answered the call I can roughly guess who is it alreadi.. Besides if I asked.. Alys is going to scold me again.. I know she will.. She will juz say it's none of ur business..

Everytime when I send Jiamin home.. She will sms me a word of thankz.. I reali appreciate that since not many will.. Somehow I feel the length of msg is getting shorter and shorter.. Is it I'm too sensitive? I reali duno.. Maybe she no longer feel there is a need to be so detailed after so much things that happened..

Alys asked whether there are things that left us with regret.. At that moment I reali wanna said that I should have know Jiamin six years earlier.. Haix.. I reali mean it.. If I have know her six years earlier.. Maybe the one that's holding her hand now might be me.. Another thing which made me live with regret is that I should have cherished Jiamin more.. Care for her more.. If I have shown her more care and concern.. None of the things that happened today will have happened.. Somehow I wish I have the ability to rewrite history.. Haix.. I think my fate with Jiamin in this lifetime alreadi ends.. I juz hope that if there's next life.. Can Heaven juz let me meet Jiamin again..

Today Jiamin went to bird park to work.. She gonna woke up at 6am.. U knw.. I woke up at 5am plus.. I duno why I can wake up without alarm.. Hmmx.. Is it what they called telepathy? I read my hp and saw Jiamin's msg.. I was thinking in my bed till Jiamin sms me another qns.. Actuali she tot she woke me up.. But it's me that can't slp.. Why am I so stressed up? Haix.. Sometimes I juz feel that whatever I answered Jiamin.. She always dun seem to be happy with my reply.. Is she looking for the answer that she hope to hear?

I fell aslp again when it was 8am plus.. I had a dream.. And it involves Jiamin.. I cried.. I reali cried.. Actuali I also dun rem the details of the dream alreadi.. I only rem I cried and I woke up with tears in my eyes.. Hmmx.. Does dream reali reflect reality that much? I pondered..

My last words.. Jiamin.. I reali hope u can beam at me once again.. It reali makes me smilez.. Reali.. I swear.. Pls try ur best ok.. I will try my best also.. I promise..

I know I can't touch ur heart now..
So it doesn't matter which kind of luv if I can stay with ya..
Cuz I knw the separated ones go beyond time & space & get together..
Becuz of ya, I will keep waiting becuz of ya..
This is the tot that fills my heart now..
I will always like & luv ya..

*I feel so xing fu with her*

*MerQu|s3*^^ aka *yeKai*^^